


Meditations on Loss

by Luftig



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Choices, F/M, Guilt, Hopeful Ending, Light Angst, Loss, Memories, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pre-Relationship, Regret, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:41:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22547224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luftig/pseuds/Luftig
Summary: Vision muses over what it means to lose.
Relationships: Wanda Maximoff/Vision
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	Meditations on Loss

_“We'll meet again_

_Don't know where, don't know when_

_But I know we'll meet again some sunny day_

_Keep smiling through_

_Just like you always do_

_'Til the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away.”_

_-“We’ll Meet Again” Vera Lynn_

* * *

Loss: the absence of something once had. Perhaps an object or a person. Anything of personal value. 

Vision had seen loss many times. Even from his birth, he had been surrounded by loss, but he was never affected by it. Not until now.

 _Loss._

That one word encompassed so many foreign emotions. Vision had never known such a thing, such a pitiful state of mind. How did humans deal with it? Overcome it? 

It ached deep in his core, a bitter loneliness and a desolate emptiness filled with uncertainty.

Ever since his return from the Leipzig airport and the dozens of highly-esteemed hospitals he visited with Mr. Stark and Colonel Rhodes, he felt that he did not have a purpose. The days were grey, despite the bright blue skies and shining sun that washed over the green forest outside. But, the lack of quiet chatter from his teammates drained the life out of the facility. The drone of the electrical currents powering the lights replaced the occasional soft strumming of Miss Maximoff’s guitar. The televisions were permanently glued to the news stations rather than the occasional film or series. 

Everything changed over the course of a week and the effects introduced him to the feelings of loss. It was different. Lonely.

He should not feel this way. 

The Accords were logical, an action taken in the public’s best interest and safety. Because that’s what he was created to be: _logical_. And yet, he regretted taking the position that he did immensely. He lost the one person that helped him discover the world. 

His friend. The one who saw him as a human when everyone else saw the machine that he was. Who treated him like he was like the others.

The one person who made him _feel_ like a human. 

_Wanda._

At the airport, he watched as she used her powers to guarantee Captain Rogers and Barnes safe passage into the hangar. She used her powers to keep the tower that he brought down from blocking them. His synthetic heart clenched when she crumbled to the ground, the red wisps upholding the falling tower after Colonel Rhodes shot a sonic wave at her. A wave of unjustifiable anger surged through him as she let out a scream, clutching her head between her hands. 

Vision was with her in an instant. Behind him, he heard the giant man collapse to the ground, but he paid him no mind. He was only focused on her.

And that was when he became distracted. He was not supposed to become distracted, and yet he did. A selfish error that lost him everything. 

Even an android, he had learned, could become distracted.

Still held in his arms, Wanda had let out a quiet gasp when the Colonel hit the ground, her hand came up to cover her mouth. Pieces of dirt flew up around him as he impacted. The faraway sirens closed in on the airport.

Wanda brought his attention back to her, placing a hand on his chest, "Vis, you can go," she had said softly.

"I don't want to leave you, Wanda," he’d said. The local authorities would detain her if he left, take her and the others fighting on the Captain's side to God knows where. And that's exactly what happened.

"It's okay, you need to go." As she'd spoken, the sirens got louder, closer. The uneasy expression she wore had not done much to reassure him. She trembled as he had held her. 

"Wanda—"

"Just go," she then urged as she pushed against his chest, "I'll be okay."

Still, he'd hesitated. The selfish, emotional part of him wanted to stay, implored him to, but the logical part knew Wanda was right. He needed to assess the damage he had done, to be there to explain what had gone wrong. 

"I will find you," Vision had promised. When he let her down to stand on her own, she had tried to give him a reassuring nod, maybe more for her own sake than for his, yet it did little to soothe either one of them. 

She had smiled weakly as he left, and she was gone when he returned.

That was three and a half weeks ago.

Maybe had he not struck Colonel Rhodes, he could have stayed by her side. He could have protected her.

It was his fault that she was gone.

Now, Vision rotated the chess piece he held between his fingers as he sat, simply waiting. For what, he did not know. Perhaps it was because he lost his purpose like the chessboard in front of him without anyone to host a game. He mistook what was important for what was logical. Loyalty over logic.

He failed to protect what mattered. He _failed_ Wanda and the guilt was crushing him. 

In the next room, Mr. Stark was introducing Colonel Rhodes to the new exoskeleton he built for him. Mr. Stark was focused on helping his friend heal, he still had a purpose. Vision thought it best to leave them be. He did not know how Colonel Rhodes would react to his presence.

A flash from the television brought his attention to the screen mounted on the wall.

**_"Breaking News: The Raft Infiltrated, Prisoners Missing"_ **

Vision stared at the headline rolling across the bottom of the television. An aerial shot of the Raft cut to a reporter at the scene with a furious Thaddeus Ross standing next to her. A dark purple bruise sat right above Ross' glaring left eye. 

Their pictures appeared onscreen, perhaps to cover up the damage done to Secretary Ross as he spoke. Sam. Clint. Mr. Lang. And Wanda. Vision stopped rotating the chess piece he held in his hand as he looked at her picture, the first time he had seen her in weeks.

Relief swept over him and it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

She was out there. Free.

That was when he found his purpose again. A chance to right his wrongs.

He would find her. He promised her that he would.

He only hoped that she could forgive him.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, it's been a while. 
> 
> I'm trying to get back to posting weekly and for the two of you that might care, I'll be updating my other story sometime this week. Sorry it's been a minute.
> 
> Anyway, thoughts and criticisms are greatly appreciated. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. Have a nice day.


End file.
